Ground: The Britannia Stadium, Stoke
Competition: Barclay’s Premiership 2013/14
Result: Stoke 4-1 Fulham
Pie: Chicken Balti
Price:£3 (ish)
Comments: It’s taken nearly four months for me to summon the will power to put this symbolic pie of relegation on the site, the memories have just been to devastating and depressing to fear awakening them again. Fulham’s top flight demise after 13 eventful seasons at Stoke was a truly diabolical day for everyone associated with the club. The players’, and manager’s, performance was nothing short of embarrassing with Stoke ripping us apart with consummate ease. Worst of all, we didn’t even have  Senderos about to blame for all our problems.

The pie itself was forgettable, although anything to distract me from the reality that John Arne Riise was in charge of defending a whole section of the pitch was appreciated. This mediocre, probably Pukka, pie will be the last memory of the premiership pastry reserve for at least, most probably longer, one season and actually I’m quite happy about that.

It seems that most top flight clubs abuse economies of scale and bulk buy repetitious amounts of pies from Hollands and Pukka- cheap and cheerful but tedious for a connoisseur like myself. I want homemade pies, local delicacies, innovative fillings and mind pending packaging not the same shit, different ground. Hopefully the eclectic and smaller clubs that litter the Championships will offer an exciting selection of pies that won’t force me to writing drivel prose to fill the review or slate our team of footballing imposters.

Sod the top clubs winning everything and buying all the best players, sod the same Pukka Balti every week and sod the Premiership, the Championship is the new hope for success on and off the pie reviews.

Rating: RELEGATION /10